Friday, December 19, 2008

I know Politics.

I was totally gonna kick Obama’s @$$ and be the Prez because I didn’t want the White House to be painted black. (it’s true. I got the Forward.)

Painting the White House black would be a bad idea because then the Post Office would get all confused and the President wouldn't get his magazine subscriptions and then how will they know latest celebrity gossip? Exactly. Bad idea. You can't run the Country if you don't know what crazy antics Britney's up to. Or how much Nichole Richie wieghs. (Seriously, how is Nichole making it in magazines?)

But then I saw that I (as president) would have to dodge flying shoes and after playing Wii Fit Soccer where you have to do headers at the soccer balls (mind out tha gutter pleze. Thanx.) and dodge the Nike cleats and Panda Bear heads (Panda bear heads? Nikes? This may or may not be the objects you are required to dodge but this is exactly how I recall the event. Tequila may or may not have been involved.)

I failed at the headers.

I failed at dodging the shoes and Panda bear heads.

(My hula hooping, on the other hand, was GOLDEN.)

Granted, I was wearing heels, had a beer in my hand and my BAC% was: Tequila.

And as Prez when wouldn't I have a drink in my hand, be wearing heels and on a Pedastal?

The answers is: When I'm Sleeping.

On second thought.

The answer is NEVER.

(I'm the Prez. I do what I want. A portion of US taxes go to my Bar Bill and Shoes.)

But then I was kick @$$ in dodgeball as a youngster (!) but then I didn't wear heels had no relationship with Tequila. I'm thinking I'll just leave the Shoe Dodging to, well, pretty much anybody that is not me. Not me is key.

I’m not taking any chances. Foreign feet might smell real bad. I mean look at these Shoe Throwing Foreigners their hair all skraggaly-like. Hygiene does not appear to be high on their list of priorities. And niether is keeping up with the latest styles of shoes.

Or at least this is the picture I have in my head because I was getting ready for work (read: Basically sleeping and mostly on AutoPilot) and when I looked at the TV all I saw was Bush dodge to the left (or right? I was looking in the mirror-2/3rds asleep. I have no idea which way he dodged.) And I pictured the Shoe Throwers in the form of Osama Bin Laden.

Get me paintbrush, the White House is getting a Make-OVA! Obama, don't be nervous, you'll do great! I'll think about getting you Wii Fit for Christmas to help you practice. (It's the thought that counts right? Right.)

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