I Like the Beeswax.

This weekend I lost every single Chapstick that I own even the emergency back ups.

(No thank you drunken nights.)

Already about to swipe my credit card at the grocery store today I remembered and grabbed the closest stick of anti-chapped lips in arms reach.

If you work in an office you know: lunchtime is crunchtime, no time to go gallavanting around the store -in heels, no less

It happened to be a 3 dollar stick of Burts Bees Beeswax Lip Balm. 3 dollars! For chapstick. My usual Cherry Chapstick is about a buck, maybe 2. We're in a recession! My hours are cut! I can get THREE Cherry Chapsticks for that!

All I could do was sigh, swipe and get back to work. (Chapped lips are not to be ignored.) (And Solitaire awaits me.)

The Beeswax of Burt lived up to it's hype. I'm a fan.

One sweep of the lips and my lips were cool and fresh and soft.

Good job Burt. Your Beeswax is good.

I just spent $40 in iTunes, $40 get my car wash/waxed but 3 dollar chapstick, I call an outrage!

I may need to rethink my priorities...or maybe I just need a drink.

A Mango Cadillac Margarita (slushy style cuz it's a hot day) from El Torito is what I was really wanting for lunch today. No chips 'n salsa for me. Just the drink please.

They really should have To Go cups.

Or I can pour the Marggey in a Big Gulp Cup, it would totally pass as a Slurpee.

What Happened?

Today is day 4 of no credit/debit cards.

I am a survivor.

Okay, I am surviving off an AmEx gift card that I got for Christmas. Ya, I know, unbelievable right? Nobody, nobody still has gift cards left over from Christmas and especially not one that can be used practically everywhere*. But I do (an exception to the rule? Maybe.) and without it I would be broke out on the streets with a piece of cardboard and an old tin coffee cup that I took from a sleeping Vietnam war vet (or whatever their called) next to the freeway begging for extra change.

Or not. But it’s been tough without my cards. (They’re like my grown-up blanky.)

But I guess you reap what you sowe. (Or something.)

Everybody has their drinks of choice. Mine (lately) are champagne, wine or Margaritas (I love me some Tequila). But Saturday night, already irritated with the meanness of my friend sober was not what I wanted to be, I was getting down to biznaz which (to me) is AMF. Also known as an “Adios Mother F***er” or simply “Adios”, it’s blue, it’s yummy, warms the tummy and well, it’s all in a name, right? Right.

Three (heavy handed) AMF’s later, a shot of Kamikazi, a sudden (turn for the worst)head/stomach change and a flash of realization that I had not eaten dinner and Houston, we have a problem! Immediately started flashing through my mind in big, bright, Vegas-style letters. (Not helping.)

Ugliness ensues…

So anyway, I have a kick ass card case with 4 cards in it: Driver Liscense, Debit Card, Visa, AmEx. In other words, this card case is My World. (Or Grown-Up Blankey. Either way.) Gone. Missing. Shit. Shit. Shit!

Why is it that the most beautiful Sundays gets no love from me because some kind of twisted law of being in your 20’s that I must be hung over in the event of a pretty [Sun]day?

Or does the day just seem pretty in contrast to my mental (read: want to hibernate in a dark cave with my blankey- the non-plastic, non-grown-up, warm, soft and cuddly one.) state?

Either way. This law must be banned. (BANNED!!)

I called my friend. Nothing. I checked all my cards and cancelled them. I freaked out when I heard the balance on my AmEx card. What? Almost $300 I’m only a week into my billing period! Oh. Yeah. All me. (Damn.)

My friends ended up finding my lost goods. (Actually, I’m still missing my Cherry Chapstick but I’m a survivor. I will prevail. AmEx to the rescue!)

Lessons of a Shit-Faced Saturday night:

- Eat before drinking.

- 3 AMF’s is too much for me no matter how much I’ve eaten. Don’t do it.

- Mission: Get Wasted is equivalent to Mission: Fail (oh the irony…). Don’t do it.

- Bitchy friends leads to 3 AMF’s and a Kamikazi which leads to Bad News Bears. Don’t do it.

*I use this term loosely. To my dismay AmEx is not accepted everywhere. Which is a damn shame cuz the card is just so pretty and I get reward points and who doesn't love rewards? (And if you don't love rewards than you are clearly an Alien and I have 29,384,382,028+++ questions for you.)

I know Politics.

I was totally gonna kick Obama’s @$$ and be the Prez because I didn’t want the White House to be painted black. (it’s true. I got the Forward.)

Painting the White House black would be a bad idea because then the Post Office would get all confused and the President wouldn't get his magazine subscriptions and then how will they know latest celebrity gossip? Exactly. Bad idea. You can't run the Country if you don't know what crazy antics Britney's up to. Or how much Nichole Richie wieghs. (Seriously, how is Nichole making it in magazines?)

But then I saw that I (as president) would have to dodge flying shoes and after playing Wii Fit Soccer where you have to do headers at the soccer balls (mind out tha gutter pleze. Thanx.) and dodge the Nike cleats and Panda Bear heads (Panda bear heads? Nikes? This may or may not be the objects you are required to dodge but this is exactly how I recall the event. Tequila may or may not have been involved.)

I failed at the headers.

I failed at dodging the shoes and Panda bear heads.

(My hula hooping, on the other hand, was GOLDEN.)

Granted, I was wearing heels, had a beer in my hand and my BAC% was: Tequila.

And as Prez when wouldn't I have a drink in my hand, be wearing heels and on a Pedastal?

The answers is: When I'm Sleeping.

On second thought.

The answer is NEVER.

(I'm the Prez. I do what I want. A portion of US taxes go to my Bar Bill and Shoes.)

But then I was kick @$$ in dodgeball as a youngster (!) but then I didn't wear heels had no relationship with Tequila. I'm thinking I'll just leave the Shoe Dodging to, well, pretty much anybody that is not me. Not me is key.

I’m not taking any chances. Foreign feet might smell real bad. I mean look at these Shoe Throwing Foreigners their hair all skraggaly-like. Hygiene does not appear to be high on their list of priorities. And niether is keeping up with the latest styles of shoes.

Or at least this is the picture I have in my head because I was getting ready for work (read: Basically sleeping and mostly on AutoPilot) and when I looked at the TV all I saw was Bush dodge to the left (or right? I was looking in the mirror-2/3rds asleep. I have no idea which way he dodged.) And I pictured the Shoe Throwers in the form of Osama Bin Laden.

Get me paintbrush, the White House is getting a Make-OVA! Obama, don't be nervous, you'll do great! I'll think about getting you Wii Fit for Christmas to help you practice. (It's the thought that counts right? Right.)

Can I get some Cheese with my Whine?

So, it's raining bedknobs & broomsticks out. (SoCal. Our standards differ.) (Clearly.) This should have been my first clue that today was going to be One Of Those Days. I didn't catch on. I went to work anyway. Big Mistake.

Trader Joe's takes checks. Just in case you didn't know.

I had to ask since I seemed to have left my card case (with all my credit/debit cards) in my jeans from the other night. I realized this when I was looking for my drivers license and Insurance information to trade with the lady that rear-ended me! With all the bedknobs & broomsticks flailing about it's difficult to see how much damage the fender bender really caused, so far I've accounted for one scratch.

A Scratch!

(I'm tearing up over here...)

With nearly half my lunchtime gone and my stomach growling (it's a beast, lemme tell ya!) all I had was my check book (and an extra ID I keep in my car at all times. For rainy days. Like today.)

My love for credit cards was taken to another level today when I realized how convenient they are. Just swipe and sign. (I have stars in my eyes. It's love. I just know it.)

Checkbooks on the other hand...

With checkbooks you have to know things. Unimportant things like the date(!) and what store you are in (brain overload) AND THEN! You have to actually write out the amount you are spending. Twice. TWICE!! It's too much. And I got a paper cut.

Really though. What'd I do?! Is this Karma? I didn't completely cross the line with the guy that's practically married. Flirting is harmless right! And he started it! And, and...uh....alcohol isn't an excuse is it? Damn. I digress.

Lesson Learned: Never. Never. Leave home without a credit card. NEVER!

The universe was looking out though. When I got to work this morning: cookies and chocolatey brownie thingy's found their way to me. (No Way could I have survived lunch had I not been in a sugar coma)

But that's not all...

My mom turned on the HEATER!!! Hallelujah!! I did not need frostbite to top this day off.

Robin Hood? You out there? Come hither!!!

Be careful folks there are crooks amongst us. While reviewing my credit card statement (online-save a tree! Or a 1/100,000th of one tree...either way) I stumbled across 2 AT&T long distance phone calls that tallied to the amount of about 99 songs from iTunes. WTF?! This is highway robbery, if I ever saw highway robbery! I checked out previous statements for the same blasphemy and lo and behold 117 more potential iTunes songs. Those thieving Sons of Beaches. A grand total of $216.

This does not make me happy.

I called AmEx and called FRAUD ALERT on those Muthas so now I had to cut my credit card up *tear* and was issued a new one (whew!!). Luckily, they are going to overnight it.

I don't know how AmEx works as far as the Fraud thing goes but hopefully I'm not at a total loss of my $216.

I'm now signed up for Fraud Prevention (or something) for $29 a year.

A crook, crook here. A thieve, thieve there.

Here a crook.

There a thief.

And here I am a-broke! BROKE!

(Okay, I'm not broke but still....all the time on HOLD that I've spent....where's my samurai sword?! I have vermon to kill!)

This is me in the eyes of a 6 year old

I am pink. I wear a dress even when I don't. I wear my hands on my biceps (yes, these are my hands and not my biceps-I checked). I wear ucomfortable footwear. My mascara tends to clump on the left side. I am tall (I can tell because I am looking down). Vertical stripes are slimming.

Weekend Rundown (in no particular order)

Breakfast of champions: Doritos and a waffle with peanut butter. This is what happens when 2 momma's girls are left to fend for themselves... clearly, we took it like champs.

My iPhone case took it in the keester! <-- it just came out, I dunno. But yeah, I dropped my phone and my dark red, rhinestone adorned case is no more. *tear*

Who has a pretty little chandelier and matching lamp in their room?! It's me! It's me! FABULOUS!!!

Dude, America = the country that survives on all that is plastic, no? As in plastic cards. Swipe it, sign and VOILA(!) you just got got something new that you may or may not afford! I go to the swapmeet and swipe, I'm pretty sure the paleta man (Mexican dude with cart full of ice cream) take Visa or Mastercard. They giggled and called me cute in a dive bar in Visalia, CA (read: podunk town)for trying to pay for drinks with a card (cash is a thing of the past to me, like horse carriages and the idea that world is flat). The expression on my face once denied may or may not have contributed their amusement at the LA Girl (even though I live an hour away from there...inland, no less). RIDICULOUS.

Wii Fit is a freaking BLAST!! (Martini's, Patron shots and beers may or definately may have been involved. Don't judge. My Wii Hula Hooping is golden.)

My throat cannot handle 3 and a half hours of singing (off-key. That's how I do.) but, by golly I will still try! Twice. I just can't drive otherwise. Can't.

Sleeping in the bed of a married couple (whilst they sleep in the living room), I just couldn't bring myself to do it, it just seems...wierd. Just me? My cousin calls me crazy, I disagree. I just can't seem to think of an instance where I'd be comfortable with sleeping arrangements such as this. We ended up falling asleep watching a movie- slumber party styley.

It is November thus it is Fall. FALL! Yo, Sun! This is not your time to shine. Chillax sucka! I'd like to wear cute coats and scarves and hats and look forward for your return in the Spring! Kay?thanx.buh-bye.

I parallel park like a champ! (when drinking)

S.

Sent from my [naked] iPhone

P.S. To podunk town or not to podunk town--never the question. It's all about the company you keep!

Give me an Inch, I'll take a Mile...

My weekend in a nutshell:

-Senior citizens and kareoke -Gay club and dancing (the gays get down!) -Drinking (it's the only way...) -BBQ (food, drink, Guitar Hero, Loteria, Hold 'em...oh my!) -Ghettofying my phone case with stickers cuz I love it too much to throw it away. And since my first attempt at salvation (KrazyGlue) failed, it was the only other option I could think of.

(Um. KrazyGlue. Thumb. Index finger. Yeah, you guessed it...)

OMG! And today at work, I got handed...

(brace yourself)

Work! Yes, that is correct. Work. So that means today I'm actually doing what I get paid to do. Wierd, I know. My heart skipped a beat when my Super handed me plans this morning. And then I opened and looked at them and wanted to hand them right back. It passed though. I got to working and actually enjoyed it (as much as you can enjoy WORK anyway). But that was before lunch. Now after a big lunch (Vons- that's right yet another day sans TJ's) and cheesecake to celebrate my co-workers birthday, I'm considering petitioning for naptime at the office... I'm pretty sure that there was a study done on employees being more productive with naps, right? Right? Hmmm... The slavedriver-esque Super may disagree.

(4 solid hours of work and now their slavedrivers...and I'm blogging right now...work to be done and I'm blogging.)

Whatev.

Who got to work 15 minutes EARLY today?!

Yours truly!

Yippey for me! Let's see if I can keep it up for the rest of the week! (BABY STEPS, mind you-a week is PLENTY.)

Back to work now...

S.

Sent from my iPhone

I'm gonna be a Tia!! SQUEEE!!!

How sweet is my Cis? She gets knocked up and then gives me and mom gifts! She got Mom this gorgeous Brighton charm bracelet, one of the charms is a baby carriage (aaawwww!) and another has 'grandma' engraved on it (double aaaawwww). And she got me a pretty little pearl bracelet with a little silver medallion on it that's engraved with 'Tia Sonia'!! It's adorable and I love it! (see previous post for pic)

I need to get her something really great but I don't know what! A book? I've been thinking about getting her a journal, she use to write a lot. I wonder now that she has no job if she would have more time for writing. I think it'd be really sweet if she documented her journey of having her first baby! Or maybe a blog would be better, more convenient. I dunno, back to the drawing board. Where did I put that thinking cap...

S.

Sent from my iPhone

My Tia-for-the-first-time gift :-D

Something's Got to Give

I think the time change effed up my alarm functions on my beloved iPhone (yes I'm aware that I'm way too caught up in my material possesions. What can I say but I'm a material girl and this is my material world). Anywho the last 3 mornings my alarmS have failed me. Or maybe it's fate telling me not to go to work anymore? Whatever Fate, I got bills. So I've been later than usual! And will not (for the umpteenth week in a row) get paid for a full 40 hours this week. 

Sucks. 

Something gotta give. Unexceptable. At this rate my job is sure to be in jeopardy by the end of the month. No bueno, my friends. No. Bueno. Oh yeah and I do need to actually start working all day instead of reading blogs, writing blogs and socializing via technology (living in my material world and all that).

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I turn over a new leaf! What? I was already late today, today is a lost cause. A last hurrah! Okay, not really but for sure tomorrow's word of the day is PUNCTUALITY!

S.

Sent from my iPhone