2009 Trends stay the same...

A week and a half off work and now I'm back! No wait- who put that exclamation point there? Really, it's a sad face and a cry out for some drink! (Spike my Starbucks with Baileys please. Thanks.) (They really should sell shots of Baileys though, right!) Today is actually day 2 at work. I was here yesterday but I wasn't here yesterday, y'knowat am sayin'?

I was hoping (kinda-resolutions…) that I would come back to the office and a mountain of sweets to climb would await me upon my return to the IceCubey to help me cope. Sure enough it was Everest but with twice the cold and minus the sweet mountains. So I guess it is more Antarctica than Everest.

Clearly, the cold has affected my ability to think properly. But I can type with gloves like a Champ! Oh yeah and my floor heater died. I [repress bad memories and] forgot all about work [as soon as I walked out the door] (coulda been the copious amounts of wine too-either way.) and my dire need to buy a new floor heater.

IceCubey – 2, S. – -5 and [frozen] solid.

I'm considering changing the name of this blog to "The Little Eskimo" (nickname at home) or "Hell Froze Over, I'm in It" or "Typing With Gloves" or "Brrrrrrr!" or "Warm and Fuzzy Don't Live Here" or "FrostBitten and Bitching" or "Fighting the Frost. & Losing." or "Fu-fu-fu freezing" or "The Cold is My Kryptonite" or something….but maybe (please, Please, Pleeeeeeze!!!) things will change in the summertime? (I'm wishin. And hopin'. And prayin'.)

I did get my Christmas wish though! We've had the heater since Christmas Eve (at home)! Yay! AND I got a new blanket. So (at 74) I'm no longer wearing a beanie and gloves but I AM still wearing 2 pairs of pants plus knee high socks and a pullover a longsleeve shirt to bed. I'm pretty sure I'm cold blooded.

My New Years was awesome though. Hit up a couple of parties. Our designate [*cough* *cough* drunk] driver got lost. Maybe she was feeling lady luck on her side because we was headed toward the casino. Between us and the casino-(dark) desert; and after the casino-(dark) desert. (She caught on and found her way- no casino. More wine money for us!)

But then there was the spilling,

(I need to invest in a sippy cup.)

I did not fall.

I did not puke.

I spilled.

I even spilled (red wine) on my friends shirt. He now has a red nipple on his blue shirt. He wasn't drunk enough to go with my foresight that it would be the new trend of 2009. Nor was he for my idea to spill red wine

all over to make the rest of the shirt the same.

His loss. You just wait. It's gonna be a trend. I'm convinced. (I convinced myself.)

Death by Cold.

Who sobs because they're cold?

Answer: Me. This morning.

True Story. My shower this morning could not get hot enough to warm my skin and relieve my aching bones and shivering muscles. Is it possible to get frostbite from the inside out. Bones first, then muscle, the organs and lastly, the skin? I'm pretty sure my bones are frostbitten. Possibly frostgobbled. When the frostgobble started chomping at my lungs all hell broke loose in the form of sobs.

Seriously. Who the eff sobs because they are cold?! (Don't answer this.)

Judging by my dramatic shower scene this morning, the cold is my kryptonite. And we're not talking like below zero, snow weather. No. We are talking 65 degrees Farenheit. That's all it takes. My mom seems to think that this is a comfortable temperature to keep the house at. Wrong. Dead wrong.

I thought she was trying to kill me this morning. In fact, she almost did kill me this morning. I just wonder what would inspire her to want to torture me so badly. I put the dishes away as she asked. We even bonded over a game of Tap, Tap Revenge.

Is she being a sore loser? I Tap, Tap too well and she's after Revenge? Once she asked me what's wrong and I screamed in agony between sobs that, "It's FUCKING COOOLD!!!" she realized her Revenge had risen to an unholy level and turned on the heat. She even warmed up my car for me.

This was very nice of her. She is forgiven. It was just a game. She knows this now. I just wish my body was not still feeling her Tap, Tap Revenge.

What the hell did I do at work that was so awful that here too I'm being tortured with my kryptonite? I don't recall Tap, Tapping the Tap out of them. My floor heater is keeping me alive for now but it is losing the battle. I'm gonna need something stronger and more powerful.

Fire! I need fire!

This may be against some type of building code though. (We couldn't even get a toaster oven in the kitchen. A fire pit? Turning my cubey into an oven? I'm thinking this may not fly.)

Best case scenario: I get workers comp.

I will draw up my will in the event of Worst Case Scenario. (Just in case. They're ruthless.)

Be careful out there all you Tap, Tap Revenge Champs. The non-champs do not take non-champing lightly.

Can I get some Cheese with my Whine?

So, it's raining bedknobs & broomsticks out. (SoCal. Our standards differ.) (Clearly.) This should have been my first clue that today was going to be One Of Those Days. I didn't catch on. I went to work anyway. Big Mistake.

Trader Joe's takes checks. Just in case you didn't know.

I had to ask since I seemed to have left my card case (with all my credit/debit cards) in my jeans from the other night. I realized this when I was looking for my drivers license and Insurance information to trade with the lady that rear-ended me! With all the bedknobs & broomsticks flailing about it's difficult to see how much damage the fender bender really caused, so far I've accounted for one scratch.

A Scratch!

(I'm tearing up over here...)

With nearly half my lunchtime gone and my stomach growling (it's a beast, lemme tell ya!) all I had was my check book (and an extra ID I keep in my car at all times. For rainy days. Like today.)

My love for credit cards was taken to another level today when I realized how convenient they are. Just swipe and sign. (I have stars in my eyes. It's love. I just know it.)

Checkbooks on the other hand...

With checkbooks you have to know things. Unimportant things like the date(!) and what store you are in (brain overload) AND THEN! You have to actually write out the amount you are spending. Twice. TWICE!! It's too much. And I got a paper cut.

Really though. What'd I do?! Is this Karma? I didn't completely cross the line with the guy that's practically married. Flirting is harmless right! And he started it! And, and...uh....alcohol isn't an excuse is it? Damn. I digress.

Lesson Learned: Never. Never. Leave home without a credit card. NEVER!

The universe was looking out though. When I got to work this morning: cookies and chocolatey brownie thingy's found their way to me. (No Way could I have survived lunch had I not been in a sugar coma)

But that's not all...

My mom turned on the HEATER!!! Hallelujah!! I did not need frostbite to top this day off.

Thermostat Set at FrostBite

Jeez, it's just one of those days. You know, when you hit snooze 13 hundred and 3 times and try and cut out as many things out of your morning routine as possible (while still being just burley presentable...) just for 60 seconds more or so of sleep. So that was me this morning.

My eyes are still trying to adjust to...well, being open. All signs point right back to cuddling up in bed. What? They don't? I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING! LALALA, LA, LA, LA.... You get my drift? How the heck do people pull themselves out of this little funk of a (sun is shining) gloom of a day? Whatev. It's almost 5 o'clock. Or 10am...but sometimes lying to myself just seems the better option. Is it too late to play hookey from work? Yes? Okay, fine but I won't sit here with a smile on my face! And I WILL just sit here! I'm a rebel. I'm living on the edge. Or not. But, hell whatever passes the time...

It doesn't help that it is freezing balls in the office! I don't even have any balls and they are frozen, frostbitten and hatin' it-that's saying something. I don't know what. But something. For sure. They are trying to frostbite my hoodie 'n chucks wearing ass (told ya, I'm a rebel--business casual Wha!) right out of the office and back to bed (yet another sign pointing back to bed). I'm convinced. I even have a heater under my desk. I made myself some hot tea. And I'm still cold. Brrrrrr....

I just finished "Triumph over the frostbite" attempt numero tres (that'd be "number 3" for the "green-goes"). Attempt number 1: Floor heater (it's still on...hey, I don't pay the electic bill...they obviously don't mind if they have the A/C on the "Frostbite" [read: 73 degrees] when there is clearly NO NEED! 78 is just fine. Thankya.). Attempt #2: Hot tea. (to no avail) and finally Attempt Numero Tres: Soup. It's Fabulousity. The little Progresso (light(! Of course) never will the attempt be: weight gain for more insulation) anyway, those Progesso cup thingy's that are microwavable are freaking awesome! The (office provided) bowls are not big enough for the whole can and I hate doing dishes so the ones in the cupboard are clearly, not an option. So the little microwavable thingy is PERFECTO MUNDO! And Attempt Numero Tres coupled with Attempt number 1 is totally working! Warmth. Golden.

What I don't get though is that the Nutrition info says that one serving is 60 calories and "about 2 servings" and THEN it says that the entire package is about 100 calories...math geniuses (such as myself) they ARE NOT. And we trust these people to count our calories?! Oh well. It was good and it worked. And I put Tapatio in it, so it's EVEN BETTER! Love the spicy. Tapatio and Soy Sauce are my ketchup and mustard. They rock. Salty Spicey goodness. Mmmmm...I'm warm now. Inside out.

Take that A/C! HAH! I win.

S.= 2 (cuz I'm warm and it's on thier dime)
The Frostbiters = 0.25 (cuz I hate being cold)
That's right! I'm beating the system one frostbitten finger at a time....